January 22, 2009
Because of the Chinese New Year I have to email early and not on Monday as usual. well i dont really have an uplifting email to send this week so i am not sure if you want to send it out to everyone. this week was the hardest week of my life. my companion cracked and verbally abused me for about 20 minutes. it wasn't very fun. there has always been a little bit of tention between us because he sucks at english and i suck at korean. i try to talk to him but i can only ask random questions and mostly dont understand what he says back. anyways hes also been under a lot of pressure, i dont really know why.
we were planning one night for the next day and he told me to call a less active (the philipino lady) to meet with her. well we take a bus 20 minutes just to meet with her everyweek and cant even go in the door and he cant even speak english so i dont like going everyweek. i hesitated to call her and tried to figure out how i could explain how i feel in korean. he started commanding me to call her (in korean there are a ton of different levels of speach from king form all the way down to low form and the last one is yup, command form.which of course missionaries arent allowed to use, especially to other missionaries) so i did but she didnt answer. well thats when he pretty much exploded. he asked why i was questioning him and told me to obey him. i really couldnt tell if he was serious becuase it was such a little thing so i started to quietly laugh. he didnt like that much either and just went off. the two other missionaries came in to stop us from arguing but he just told them it was none of their business and to leave. so that lasted for about 20 minutes (i surprisingly understood everything he said) and then he kinda just stopped talking. thats when i went into the other bedroom and just started crying. i couldnt understand why he got so mad. luckily i just sat there and took it because if i would have argued back, things would have been really bad. the next day he slept through personal study and wouldnt let us have companion study. but then we had a companionship meeting and cleared everything up. he first asked if i had any problems with him and i said no, i dont. because i dont have any problems with him, he obviously has a problem with me. so he told me that the problem was that first hes under a lot of stress and the reason he got mad is because of me wanting to change the plans at the last second. he didnt care whether we go to the ladies house or not, the whole point was that we plan everything out a week in advance and because i wanted to change it the night before he got mad. i apologized and he appologized and everything has been fine since then. i am trying so hard to forgive him for what he did but it hurts. he really hurt me. i do forgive him and i am fine with him but i am still hurt. i dont know how to get over my pain.